In this seventh interview, we meet the fourth of Ace’s five associates. Is see a dark-haired gentleman coming in, now. Gracious. He looks like a movie star. That slick suit accents his trim waist, and he’s got a carnation in the buttonhole. A cane, too, like Charlie Chaplin but he carries it in such a suave way it’s inconspicuous.

GW: Greetings, Bert.

Bert: Hello, theah.

GW: Oh, a New England accent?

Bert: Yes, indeed. Boston, to be precise.

GW: Is Bert a nickname?

Bert: It’s shortened, yes.

GW: What’s your full name?

Bert: Hubert Ewing Devery Christopher Bostock III.

GW: That’s … quite a name. That’s your legal name?

Bert: And my father’s before me, and his father’s before him. The Bostocks are what they call old money in Boston.

GW: A veritable princeling.

Bert: You mean the suit, I presume. I’m not rich. My father turned black sheep and he was disinherited before I was born.

GW: That sounds like a good story.

Bert: Does it? Wicked good. But I’m not sure. Father’s a doctor living in Panama. That’s where I was born.

GW: Sam scolded me for walking on eggshells, so I’ll just say it. Your skin is dark for a typical Bostonian. Are you part Panamanian?

Bert: Smaht. Very smaht. That’s exactly right. Dual citizenship.

GW: How did you come to meet Ace and your fellow associates?

Bert: The Great War. I met Quack first, and he managed to get us both captured. We ended up in the back of the truck heading for St. Vith with Ace and the others.

GW: Was it a memorable meeting?

Bert: Yah, the memory is clear. Ace understood German. She knew where we were going and why. She had blood stains on her flight suit and a look like a hawk or something I can’t even describe. Inside ten seconds it was clear who we were going to follow. Well, maybe Ace didn’t know, but we all knew.

GW: And now you’re an Ace Carroway associate, looking for trouble all over the world.

Bert: Much bettah than being a lawyah. worthey_stop7_image2

GW: A lawyah? Did you go to Hahvahd?

Bert: Yah. How did you know?

GW: I didn’t. I was trying to make a joke. It didn’t come off. So, to regroup, do you ever think you’re in over your head? That you’ll all die in a hail of bullets or something?

Bert: Yes and no. I mean, yes, intellectually. In my heart, though, I think I’m like everybody else. I think I’m immortal. Anyway, I hope I don’t die by bullets. Not my favorite way to die.

GW: What’s your favorite way to die?

Bert: …

GW: That’s quite the suggestive eyebrow wiggle, Bert. Perhaps, that’s enough said.

Bert: Moah than enough.

GW: Who’s your tailor?

Bert: A gentleman never reveals his tailor. But you might like this.

GW: Your cane? Oh! It’s actually a sword?

Bert: Technically, an épée. Heavier than a foil, not so heavy as a sabre.

GW: You’re right. That’s very sneaky, and I like it. Have you ever used it?

Bert: Alas, no, the situation has never arisen. I’m waiting for the day I can scare the pants off a would-be mugger with it.

GW: Is this sword your special ability in the group?

Bert: No! I’m not sure I have a special ability. I’m the one they push to the front to do the talking. I think that means I’m the most expendable.

GW: Eh, wouldn’t it mean you’re the most persuasive speaker?

Bert: That’s an optimistic way of putting it.

GW: Given the choice, I generally pick optimism. Thanks for speaking with us today, Bert.

Bert: My pleasure.

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CREATOR: gd-jpeg v1.0 (using IJG JPEG v62), quality = 95

Bert’s quotes:

  • Spoken with amazement: “Eh? You’re not going to call me out on being a hothead?”
  • Normal griping: “Bumbling, comedic pack of dolts! This is no way to win a war!”
  • Waxing eloquent at Quack’s expense: “You are not a doctor, sir! You were barely enrolled in medical school when the war broke out! Why else should I call you a quack? It’s only the truth.”
  • Normal griping: “I’m gassed! Can we take a rest?”
  • When sworn to tell the truth: “I hate to agree with the Quack, but he’s right on this one.”
  • “Yaaaaah!” — The sound one makes when firing a machine gun.
  • Giving lawyerly advice: “Ace. You don’t have to talk to any reporters.”

And a limerick!

The sharp-dressed Bostonian’s Bert.
His manner may sometimes be curt.
But throw him a curvy,
(A woman) observey!
He is an incorrigible flirt.

Interview 1 (Guy)Interview 2 (Ace)Interview 3 (Darko Dor)Interview 4 (Gooper)Interview 5 (Tombstone)Interview 6 (Sam) – * – Interview 8 (Quack)Interview 9 (Mrs. Figgins)


One thought on “The Ace Interviews 7

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