This third post deals with evil. To help us explore the depths of depravity is our fictitious interviewer, Mr. Bigg Faquir. Good day, FAQ.

FAQ: Greetings. Are you near-sighted?

GW: What? I mean, why, yes. I’ve been wearing glasses since third grade. But that has nothing to do with the nature of evil.

FAQ: No? Can you think of a villain that wears glasses?

GW: Um.

FAQ: Not a mask, not a monocle, not funky steampunk goggles. Just eyeglasses.

GW: Wait. I think one of the Nazis in Indiana Jones wore glasses.

FAQ: Oh, good one. But that exception proves the rule, doesn’t it? Main, central villains have good eyesight. If they wear glasses, it’s for effect. For example, the Terminator robot wore dark glasses for a while.

GW: What’s your point?

FAQ: My point is that you’re clearly not a villain. You yourself said your House is Gryffindor.

GW: So?

FAQ: So what are your qualifications to assess evil, mister goodie two shoes? You have no experience with the Dark Side.

GW: Nonsense. Good and evil are part of the human experience. You know what else happens to third graders who get glasses? On the playground? At the hands of one-year-larger boys experiencing third grade for the second time?

FAQ: Pain, I would imagine.

GW: And humiliation. Various acts of aggression that I was unable to reciprocate at the time. I internalized all that negativity until I became …

FAQ: A serial killer?

GW: Close, but no. I became a writer.

FAQ: I suppose there’s a slight difference. All right, I accept you might be somewhat qualified. Tell me about evil in the Ace Carroway series.

GW: Can do! I generally like my evil out of the gray zone. If a perp deserves jail, he richly deserves it. A villain may be in disguise, but underneath she’s going to be rotten.

FAQ: Is there a main villain?

GW: Yes, as it turns out. There’s a trim gent with a vaguely east European accent (Romanian, actually, but I don’t think that fact ever gets mentioned in the books, so, shhh!) and his name is Darko Dor. In the first seven or so Ace stories, he’s always looming in the background even if he doesn’t appear in person.

FAQ: Why is he evil?

GW: He’s spoiled. Throughout his early adult years, he always got what he wanted, until he began to expect his whims to be catered to.

FAQ: Who catered to his whims?

GW: At first, his rich parents. But before the Great War, his cleverness was noticed, and he was drafted by the Ottoman war machine. He really does have talent, and by the opening of the war he was Minister of Technology, one tier below the Emperor in rank. Almost everybody catered to him.

FAQ: Wait. All that Ottoman Empire business―

GW: Is fictitious, yes. A twist on reality.

FAQ: What does Darko Dor look like?

GW: Neat, trim, not too tall. He would be handsome if it were not for a network of scars on his face. He blames Ace Carroway for them.

FAQ: Did she cut him?

GW: Yes and no. It’s his own fault he was injured, but Ace was there. Because of his personality, he is unable to shoulder the blame, so he blames Ace.

FAQ: You mentioned seven stories. What happens to him after all that?

GW: I can’t reveal it.

FAQ: You mean you won’t reveal it.

GW: Correct. But such information can be bought.

FAQ: I’m too cheap. Also, too ethical.

GW: Why is this suddenly all about you? Let’s get to some Darko Dor quotes, and then a limerick.

FAQ: Yes, let’s.

Quotes by Darko Dor:

• When your slaves don’t meet your standards: “Get them cleaned up! They look like rats!”
• So much smugness: “They will work hard. If they do not, report them, and it will be taken care of.”
• Officially sanctioned evil: “If you try anything, you will have no need to travel. Your dead body will be buried here.”
• Your date isn’t going well when he says of the wine: “It is not poisoned, see?”
• The ‘creepy’ is all in the tone of voice: “Ah, Miss Carroway. So good of you to join us.”
• Arrogance: “I do as I please. Darko Dor takes no directions from a mere policeman!”

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A limerick to end with:

Scars pull at Darko Dor’s smile

To something abhorrent and vile.

He blames it on Ace

Those scars on his face

And plots his revenge all the while.

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Interview 1 (Guy) – Interview 2 (Ace) – * – Interview 4 (Gooper) – Interview 5 (Tombstone) – Interview 6 (Sam) – Interview 7 (Bert) – Interview 8 (Quack) – Interview 9 (Mrs. Figgins)

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